This is the 1st for me

I can hear the echos of that 8 year old, wavy haired, girl shouting “watch me” to her friends and family whenever she was about to attempt something. It was either going to be amazingly great or horribly embarrassing but that crooked tooth, little darling, didn’t care. She was going to try and that’s all that mattered to her. I want to be that girl again. Ready to take on anything she wants to do without overthinking the results. I did so much as a child – great things and some god awful cringe worthy things. I got to ride a horse backwards when I did horseback riding lessons. I sang my lungs out with my best friend in a last minute karaoke entry. I do not have a good singing voice by any means but we belted out that Carrie Underwood song like it was nothing to hit those notes. I can recall the uncomfortable shifting by my dad & the Party City employee as I insisted I wanted to be a soccer ref for Halloween. I didn’t understand why they were so concerned at the time but my sister later explained what 69 meant and why it was highly inappropriate for a young girl to be wearing that number in a short skirt and black and white top… but there I was in that store demanding to be a cute ref. I am still in horror about learning what was the actual problem with that. I fell flat on my face each time I tried to do a cartwheel but I kept on trying because I really wanted to be a member in the cheerleading group my friends had created. I wasn’t afraid to attempt the unknown in life. I know that mentality has faded with the years and I am more cautious about what I do. I’m really tired of living like that. I make resolutions every year on January 1st and the months past by and things don’t really change. But they do and I just didn’t realize it. I put so much effort into making specific goals that I can get dissapointed quickly when things aren’t going as planned. I’m not going to wait for the 1st. I’m going to just jot a few things down and start now. There are so many things I want to do but the chances of me doing them all are slim. I have to be realistic. Life throws unexpected twists and turns every second so as much as I want to get everything done it might happen or it may not but I can let that discourage me. Life is always about improving. If I manage to check off a few things it will be good. As for the rest, I am not setting a time limit. Those things will happen when they should. All I can do is try and that’s the best way to begin.


Here are some of my goals for this year :


  • Dance around when the weather gets warm again in a bikini. Last time I made a set weight goal for myself and I managed to get there but I still don’t feel confident enough yet in one and that’s okay. My health journey has been plagued with highs and lows and for right now I am just happy that I am doing alright.


  • Get the gap in my tooth fixed. This costs a hefty penny but it’s something I’ve disliked so much since getting my braces off. It was still there when it came off and I have yet to feel comfortable with smiling in a photo with my teeth showing. I may have to sell my soul for it but if there is some way to get it done I would love to because it’s one of those tiny things that always prevents me in photos from really showing how damn happy I am.


  • Get a few more chapters done in my book. I’ve been working on one for awhile now and just recently found a burst of inspiration. Going back to writing it has been a great outlet. I will be forever thankful to those who have inspired me to write again.


  • Get back to Boston and take as many photos possible. I felt so wonderful being there in May and I want to be able to capture that again. I made it a promise to go back even if only for a few hours. Anyone need some reviews done? If you have any favorite spots over in Boston, please let me know for my return trip. I would love to check them out!


  • Make some ground in improving my overall health. I am not setting any specific goals here because I know that the answers don’t come easily but I need to take more responsibility in finding ways to improve the situation.


  • Standing my ground when my ground is being shaken. I have gotten better at voicing my opinion but there are still situations in which I need to speak up.


  • Help someone in need. I’ve been working on this and I can’t wait to share it. I know I have been so lucky to have people who have taken the time to help me and I want to give that feeling back to another if possible.


  • Climb to new heights. I am not a heights person in the slightest and it’s really impacted me physically and mentally over the last year. I want to shake the fear to be able to experience some amazing places with friends and family.


It’s a brief list and I have a bigger one in my mind but these are just some I wanted to share. Life shouldn’t be a waiting game so I either begin or feel the heaviness of things unattempted. I hope you take it upon yourself to go after what you want. Let’s not worry so much over the outcome but relish in the power in trying.


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