Advice on a Sunday

 

Thanks for reaching out! Please keep in mind that I am not that online game that has all the answers to what you are thinking but I am always here to offer my advice. Here are some I’ve recieved and how I would go about it : 

My family member & I are at odds. I have tried reaching out but the other party involved insists that I’ve done something wrong. I don’t know how to reconnect

 

# 1 – My first piece of advice is to know that this is not uncommon among family members. I am assuming you are both adults and not younger children who might turn a blind eye to their differences. I’ve gone through/am going through this within my own family. I feel one way and the other person feels another. Does it make one person right over the other? No. We are allowed to have our own views on certain situations and I think that is worth remembering. We all feel the way we do. It’s about respecting both sides. Have you heard this person out? Is there some truth in their words? Maybe you had no ill intentions against this person but it came across differently towards them? Are you willing to accept that despite having no intentions of doing so that maybe this person is right to be feeling this way? I really think it’s about understanding and compromising. This, however, can not be a one sided street. You both have to be willing to hear each other out and come to some middle ground. You may or may not have done anything wrong but if you are really hoping to save this family relationship then you need to listen and respect how they are feeling. If you have already done this then I suggest taking some time apart. He/she may not be ready to come around just yet and must figure out their own feelings in their own time. And again, if this is someone you really want to save the relationship with you will give them their time to do so.

PS. If this was all over a missing sweater or who ate the last piece of pizza then best of luck ha. But I am going to assume that it is something that runs deeper. Either way, I am hopeful that you two can reach a common ground and build up again. Don’t fret if it takes some time though.

 

My boyfriend of a year and half just notified me that he doesn’t want children in the future and I am devastated. We’ve discussed this before and he was always fine with the idea but now I am left wondering why he has changed his mind and if I should end it because I know I want kids.

 

# 2 – I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet. I know it’s difficult when you hear something that throws a loop into your relationship but you need to think before you act here. You’ve discussed this before and he has said that he wants kids? If he said it outright then that’s one thing to look into. If he said he is “fine” with the idea then maybe he wasn’t committed either way. Depending on your ages he might be also getting extra pressure from his family or even his friends to jump the gun and get married and have a baby. I see baby posts all the time from former classmates and it’s a strange feeling because it tries to reinforce the  idea that you should married and pregnant by so and so years old. This may have your boyfriend questioning how he sees his future. There are various factors involved so it’s better to talk to him and get a full view rather than taking one piece of a conversation and running to press the fire alarm on the relationship. I suggest talking to him about it and express your concerns. Try to be  as understanding as possible even if it’s not what you want to hear. He is feeling a certain way and that should be respected. Maybe he’s nervous and that is fine. I think talking it out might reveal some important details. It’s better to find out now before going further down the road. It doesn’t have to be so serious either! There is no perfect time to get married or have a child. Open conversation should be a good way to start.

 

I have a friend who is super skinny but always claims she is fat. I’m bigger than her so it makes me feel awful when she says these things. I have tried mentioning it but she just shrugs it off. I don’t know how to approach this sensitive topic.

 

# 3 – I know this feeling all too well. I had a friend who was super thin and once asked if a scarf made her look fat. I rolled my eyes and shrugged but it really did get under my skin. Sometimes we say things without putting too much thought into it. We also view our bodies differently. Even though to you your friend looks thin and may be the  ideal, to her she may be struggling with body image as well. Our brains make us think funny things even if it’s only use thinking it. I agree it is hard to hear so maybe try bringing it up again as something you have been thinking about. If she really is your friend she will try to keep those comments down to a minimum. Be honest if you can. This conversation might show the truth of your friendship. Hopefully, she is understanding.

 

I’m starting high school soon and I’m super nervous that I will look like an idiot! Any advice?

 

# 4 – I was about to do a post about this soon so I’m glad this came in. First things first! Relax! You are going to be fine. The word high school sounds scarier than it really is. It’s going to be a strange, exciting, confusing and silly time in your life and that’s how it is for everyone. You aren’t alone in feeling nervous for the upcoming years but just remember that everyone is in the same boat. You will have fun days and maybe some bad days but you are going to get to the other side of it eventually. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if something is unclear to you. I wish I had because I may have learned more. You will have good teachers and some bad. It comes with the territory. You’ll find some kids will similar interests and you’ll find kids you will probably loathe. There might be that one table at lunch that you will absolutely despise because some think that lunch time equals a screaming contest at the zoo. I can still hear that table in my mind. You will pass tests and you will fail some tests. And it’s all okay. It’s not the end of the world if you see a minus sign on a piece of paper. And an A+ doesn’t mean you are better than everyone else in the school. If things get uncomfortable trust your gut and get out of the situation. Broken hearts by the class hottie aren’t life shattering. School lunches may be gross depending on where you live but remember to eat more than a mint – I did this one year and it was awful. I was living on tick tacks because I didn’t feel comfortable enough to eat in front of others and it was so bad. Just don’t do that. Laugh and cry and live the crazy that is high school. You’re going to be fine!

 

If you have any questions or are in need of advice please feel free to get in touch. I’m all ears here. Have a wonderful Sunday!

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