Friday Little Love Moments : 10/14

 

This week could have easily gone sour for me. I could have let my doubts and frustrations take control over every little second that passed by but I did my best to prevent that from happening. I’ll be honest and say that this health issue has been driving me up a wall and this week was no exception to that. I don’t have answers or a concrete plan of how to get answers so that’s what bothers me the most. I understand that finding a solution takes time but it feels like this has dragged on way too long for me to handle. It could be a thousand times worse and I get that but that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t suck. I broke down during a drive on Monday. I saw something and it took my good mood and turned it into this cloud that hung over me for the rest of the day. I spent the night in tears and hoped that the morning would bring some happiness. It did. I still felt what I felt but it didn’t seem as pressing of a matter as it did the day before. I surrounded myself with people I know that can always bring me back from a bad moment and they are my two siblings. I do have other siblings but for reasons I rather not get into right now, there are two that are everything to me. Anything I go through they go through too.. I don’t always enjoy it being that way because I never want to seem like a burden to them but that caring trait just runs ramped through both of them. This week I didn’t want to be around other friends or people….. I know that sounds bad but I just wanted to be in my own space with people who know what I go through 24/7 because while outsiders know, they still don’t experience the tears & the pain like those two do. They really know my limits which makes it easier to spend time with them because I don’t have to explain why all the time. It’s a mutual understanding. We drove through scenic areas of my state and ran some errands. It was nothing elaborate but just enough to keep my mind elsewhere. I had to keep myself distracted a lot during the week. Yesterday, I got mega sick and I could have let it eat at me all day but instead I just accepted the fact and maneuvered around it the best I could. It’s sometimes easier said than done but you’ve got to learn how to navigate these types of days and for me that’s by just letting go of my fear of missing out and give myself a break from over thinking every action. I couldn’t do anything but because I knew my body wasn’t going to let me. Instead, I did little things like cleaning up my room, purchasing a tiny Christmas tree, doing a page in a coloring book. Anything to get me through the day.. Yesterday I was in the store and there was this elderly lady using a walker that had stopped where the line should have been. I asked her if she was in line and she shook her head no but then she stopped me by saying wait wait. She grabbed my shoulder and said with little cracker crumbles in her mouth that she was thankful that I was so kind by asking her first before proceeding to go in front of her. To me it was so simple of question…. One I ask often because people always seem to linger in spots that look like they are in line but to her it was a big deal. As I sat down to write this today I thought about that moment and how something so little could be something so much more depending on how you view it.. Coloring that picture seemed like a small task but it made time escape me and help me fall asleep. That lit up Christmas tree put a smile on my face as I put on the colored lights. You have the power to take any moment and turn it into what whatever you need it to be to get you by.  Those little things can add up in big ways but you have to be willing to see it.

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